The past couple of days as my posts have been silent, I have been contemplating writing about this subject. The more I thought about it, the more that I feel that it will be cathartic to help process. I also thought about the millions of other trans people who live and deal with this… maybe not as much and maybe more. 

Family… That one crazy word that people seek out to feel like they are a part of a group. This topic has been bothering me since my birthday. Normally, I can expect messages of happy birthday from my family. I only received one from my Grandmother. It hurts that the only blood family member that cared enough to say something was my Grandmother. It just shows that she truly cares for me. 

I think it bothers me because no matter how strained the relationship with the rest of my family has always been, I could count on that one message to feeling like I was still a piece of the family unit. But, something clicked in my head the past few days. I have friends and colleagues who have become closer to me than most of my family.

People often quote biblical scripture regarding family stating that “blood is thicker than water” meaning that family will always be there for you. Well, hate to break it to you… if your family doesn’t want to be a part of your life, they will not be there. Instead, I propose that family are the people that you choose to be around that lift and raise you up unconditionally and push you to be the best version of you without any notion of reciprocation required. That is not to say that you can’t be there to do the same for them.

In a truly supportive environment, you would automatically do the same for them. A supportive family unit also does not say “I’ll support you but I don’t like this.” A supportive family unit does not place conditionals on love and support. I have purposely reiterated this point a couple of different ways simply to hammer this nail deep into my thick Cro-Magnon skull. I will say it simply here – A family love and supports you NO MATTER WHAT.

I felt that this topic needed to be written as the Bronski Beat song Smalltown Boy keeps playing on repeat through my head. I am not one to get emotional but goddamn did this hurt. I am so thankful and happy that my chosen family of my wife, friends, co-workers and colleagues have helped me turn another shitty birthday into a happy memory. So to all of you struggling with your family, remember family is there to uplift and mold you into a beautiful and caring person. Surround yourself with love and light. Let each day come before you and raise each other up. If you are having trouble with family, my door and heart is open to you.