When I last left, I had just come out of a daark spiral and had become angry. The good new is that my week turned around yet again come Saturday. I was explaining the extremes of my life and she hopes that it will even out at some time between now and sometime soon. Honestly, I don’t think that I want the extremes to go away but I would like to work towards it being more more on the positive side overall. Strangly, I do enjoy how it is always changing and shifting. 

Back to Saturday, I got to do something that I have not been able to do in close to a year and half. I got to spend the day brewing beer! Well… technicaly we made wort. It is not actually beer under the yeasties eat the sugars and make ethanol and carbon dioxide. Except there is more to Saturday than just doing an activity and working towards a dream. I keep pinching myself thinking that this isn’t real. 

Now that I have kept you in suspense, I am sure you are screaming, “WHAT IS IT?” Well, if you would let me tell you. Ha! I must tell what had happened a couple days before Saturday. I had sent my uncle a message and the response was, ” I saw your name is updated. Is that right, or is apple messing up?” Yep. Sure is correct. “Oh okay, cool. I have called you so-so for all of your life so it may take me a bit to get it right.” Like fuck ya! This was a really good interaction. This bodes really well. Now back to Saturday and the brewing of the beers. 

I loaded up the truck with the grain and new mill equipment that morning. I was incredibly nervous. But, I pushed through and was ready to get started. We got the strike water heating and while I was measuring the grain for the mash, my uncle and roommate come into the room. I was introduced to the roommate as my new self. There was no hesitation. There was no inflection on the voice to indicate annoyance. It was simply as it should be.

This single experience showed me that there are people in my family that can be supportive. I havce reached a point in my processing where I am no longer seeking validation. Yes, this experience felt good but I should not base the whole event around this. I should always remember that my happiness is my own and no one else can control that.  I am me and I choose who is around me and who I let get close to me. I am worthy because I am the one and only me. 

Just like I am worthy, so are you. You are wanted and loved too.