I am getting back on track today! Today is officially one full week on hormones and the amount of changes so far has been just shy of amazing. After the disappointments of some people not reaching out, I figured that today might just be a day to get some work done. Welp…. I don’t think I got much work done and it was absolutely worth it. 

Traffic was a mess and a narrowly made it to our morning job request check in call. I walked into the office with my door decorated with happy birthday in pink and white and flower buds. I was nearly in tears that my wonderful team did that for me. I did a few more meetings and then it was time for an off property meeting. I got back and needed to go to the rest room. 

I headed that direction and noticed changes in the hallway as colleagues and friends from other departments stopped for a quick chat. I had noticed my amazing coordinator and the teams awesome copywriter walking from down the hallway. I thought I would finish the conversation and then walk back with the others. Well, shifty glances and quick darting eyes alerted me to look and I saw my team members carrying something…. I promise I didn’t notice… 

I did find out that a colleague was reading this blog. I felt awkward and naked especially with some of the feelings and comments that I have mentioned in other posts. But, their comment of “you write really well” settled that fear and so with the conversation over, I continued back to the office to have my “ruined” surprise. It was not ruined what so ever. 

It was a cake… My absolute favorite cake… German Chocolate Cake… Apparently, my coordinator reached out to my wife last week and has been planning all of this the entire time. Normally, I am really good at reading people and I never saw any of it. Between my wife and work friends, it is so nice to be able to make new happy memories. 

As I lay here on the couch listening to Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges banter in R.I.P.D, I find myself content. Maybe content is not quite the right word. I feel happy as if my world is no longer being held together by duct tape, chewing gum, and glue. My mind is not racing a million miles a second. It is actually empty apart from these words as they effortlessly flow on to the page. It is one of the few times in my life that my brain has allowed me to truly relax. I feel so rested. I keep coming back to the word content. 

This reminds me of the discussion of euphoria versus dysphoria. I have no need to feel euphoric because everything lately has just felt like it exists as it always should have been in my life.