“What does Transition look like?”
I have been asked this question by several people. I could answer that it looks like a giant ball of hate being thrown at you constantly. I could answer that there are people who are afraid and avoid me. I could also answer that it is one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Besides all of those moments of hate and the unknown classifying me as someone who shouldn’t exist, I very much do exist and yet I am thriving. At 34 years old, my life is truly just beginning and things are taking off into space.
This morning, sitting here sipping on my coffee, I want to go over quite a few of the changes that have happened since transition and what that looks like for my daily life. There is nothing more enigmatic than trying to catch fleeting memories when so many of them are positive. You simply cant remember them all right away. This will help me look back and say fondly, “Oh yea, that happened” as a smile spreads across my face.
As I now over a year on hormone replacement therapy, things definitely look and function differently on my body. I have somewhat of a chest. For those in the community, I only slightly won the lottery with my chest size. There is no golden sizing chart of “this is what size boobs” you will grow. Unfortunately…. Good thing that top surgery exists – although, I hope that it does not disappear here. All gender affirming surgeries really. I digress… My chest is definitely there and its helping feel more normal especially with the more weight I lose.
I am working on losing weight for me because I want to be as healthy as possible while being able to enjoy living as long as possible. Isn’t that really the dream? Since last April when I started tracking my weight, I have come down twenty pounds in a year. While that does not seem significant, it is for me. My activity levels did increase a bit as I have been trying to work towards an average daily step count of 10,000 and I broke 2024 with nearly 12,000. I have also been focused on eating more cleanly while working on portion control. This part has been the hardest. Thankfully, my wonderful doctor was able to find a medication that actually helps me to feel full. I am not on any GLP-1 or semaglutide but the medication does help. Being able to feel full has been the biggest help and it is amazing to see the trend chart take a steep spike downwards a few weeks after starting the medication.
I would skip to the next paragraph if you do not want to read about downstairs equipment. I mentioned in an earlier post that things below just do not work right and that actually makes me happy. I am still just as happy but feel like this should be elaborated on a bit especially in regards to how sex now functions for me. First, it is very difficult to maintain an erection. However, this is only applicable when penetrative sex is happening. I thought I would miss this and I very much do not. Yes, I still very much love performing acts for my partner(s) but I have found that I never really wanted to have penetrative sex. I learned that I did it and “enjoyed” it because I thought I was supposed to because I was raised AMAB and that comes with a lot baggage. Second, wands are AHHH-MAZING! Orgasms are so different when they hit your entire body and you collapse into a puddle of goo because it is just that good. Finally, kink has been liberating for me. I have been learning to accept my body. Not *accept* but truly accept and love. While I continue to work towards my goals for weight and healthy living , I am gaining a new appreciation for my body. This in turn has also helped me with my sexual confidence.
So, “What does Transition look like?”
For me, it is more than the physical changes. It is something that has transformed my life and helped me break through a lot of trauma allowing me to find my inner person and heal. There is still a lot more to process. But, that is the beauty of transition. I am constantly learning about who I am and how I fit into the world. And so I choose to focus on the beauty and wonder and let those who choose to fling hate towards me wallow in their own despair. When they are ready to heal, I will be there to help lift them out.