This past week has been a storm unlike anything I expected when I began sharing my story here. My website has recorded several thousand attempts by people trying to maliciously access it, paired with hundreds of comments dripping with cruelty. These were words meant to cut so deep to leave scars – “Are you too much of a …… to finish the job?” I will not sugar coat it: these comments hurt. They are sharp and deliberate attempts meant to silence me. But instead of retreating, they have become fuel for something louder, stronger, and more resilient than the noise of hate that they bring.
Amidst that noise, I have been surrounded by something more powerful – love and support. Friends, those people who know me deeply, have reached out to me with compassion, kindness and understanding. They reminded me that hate may scream to be heard. What matters is that it is love that carries real weight and meaning. Seeing their unwavering care has strengthened my purpose. This is why I write, why I speak openly and why I refuse to disappear. My goal has always been to help others find their purpose in their own battles – whether it is through understanding, connection or simply knowing that they are not alone in these experiences. That I suppose is proof that what I am doing matters and that truth and healing are worth defending.
As wave after wave of hateful comments appeared, my reaction was that I should retaliate. That they wanted to hurt me. They wanted me gone from this life. I wanted to take screenshots. Post them and expose the people hiding behind their screens to show the world their face(s). But deep down, I know that reaction would only serve their intentions. Hate begets hate. This is what they wanted. They wanted My Anger. My Pain. My Silence. Instead, I have learned through self-reflection that pause, breath and determine a response filled with love will be more impactful. I am choosing to reframe their hatred. I see it for what it is – people carrying their own unresolved hurt, trying desperately to transfer that pain onto someone else. That does not excuse their cruelty. But it means their words do not define me.
These attacks have done nothing more than harden my resolve. Each attempt to break into the site, every vile comment hurled my way only confirms that this work is necessary. People need to hear voices like mine. Not because I am special but because truth, healing and visibility matter. Maybe in this sea of vitriol, there is someone who sees what I write and will begin to question their own anger. Maybe they will take one small step toward healing instead of trying to destroy others. I know that is a hopeful thought. Maybe even naïve. But isn’t that what the world desperately needs right now. Hope? A hope that things can change? A hope that people can grow?
Even with all of these intrusions, my mental health has remained confident and steady. I knew from the start that by living openly and unapologetically as myself there would be moments like this. Moments where I would have to face hate head-on. I make decisions every single day to stay safe: how I dress, where I walk and when I use public spaces. These calculations have become second nature. But they have never been about retreating into fear. I chose a long time ago to stop hiding and that is not a choice that I will ever reverse. If people try to hurt me – it will not erase me. It will only cause me to fight harder and speak louder.
The truth is – people can be cruel. If you know where to look, you will still find beauty in this world. I have decided to view every malicious attempt and every hateful comment not as an attack but as a signal that a person is hurting. Hurting in a pain so deep that they feel the only way to release that pain is to inflict it on others. I will never again meet that pain with more pain. Instead, I will continue to write. I will continue to share my truth. I will continue to hold space for healing. If just one person sees these words and feels less alone then it will have been worth every moment.
Humanity can do so much better. We can learn to stop tearing each other apart and begin to heal together. That change does not happen overnight. It does not happen in silence. It begins with one simple radiant and radical act of kindness.
So let them keep trying. Let them flood my comments. I will not stop. I will not hide. I will keep moving forward. No matter how loud their hate becomes, I will keep beating the drums louder than their hate.